Thursday, 13 June 2013
As I sit here in my beautiful kitchen, I know it won't always be this way.
I know change is coming and although at this time I do not know what the change will look like or how it will all play out I do know that you, Lord are in the midst of it.
I won't forever find quiet moments in this kitchen where so many memories have been created. There will be other kitchens, new memories.
I look forward to those new adventures, changes and memories, but my heart is quite content in this moment to linger in this kitchen for many more memories and years.
I know that is not what You have called me to. I know you're comforting and caring voice whispers to my anxious soul "Sara my dear, keep a light touch on the things of this world, for they are just things."There are moments when I nod my head in agreement to those words and my heart says "Yes and amen!"
Then there are moments when I want to clench my fists, hurl myself onto the floor and throw the ugliest, most selfish tantrum a 33 year old can get away with. Why? Because I just don't want to let go. I just don't want to say goodbye to 4 1/2 years of life, friendships, memories, people, places and emotions. I want to horde it all. I want to sit at my kitchen counter f o r e v e r, putting my greedy hands all over the things of this world . . . the things that make up my world.
I know that You are not asking me to act as if it never was. You do not require me to give up those memories, friendships, years of life. . .quite the contrary, they have all been gifts from you. Treasured gifts. Each one so meaningful and cherished, never would you ask me to cash it all in.
It's just that loosening my grip on them and surrendering myself to You so that the next move, the coming change, the moving forward will be easier, is really no easy task. It's hard and it hurts.
I know there is another kitchen counter somewhere waiting for me. To sit in the quiet and meet with you. To share a cup of tea and stories with a new friend. Cookies to be rolled out and baked by the growing boys you've gifted to me.
I know that my new kitchen will hold more memories that will grip my heart. I know, because you are faithful and gracious to me. You always have been. You always touch the deepest part of my heart and soul with the little things that are overlooked by others but mean the world to me. Especially when my world is foreign and new and awkward, You always bless me in such intimate ways.
It is here in the afternoon winter sun while I sit at my counter, while my children are quiet and all is still that I nod my head in agreement and bow my heart in humility.
I feel the changes coming.
They draw closer every day.
My heart is so very anxious.
My head is completely overwhelmed.
My emotions are an unsettled mess.
My fingers white knuckled and gripping the things of this world. . .
It is now that I humbly ask you to help me. . . daily, moment by moment.
May I cherish each memory, person, and friendship that you have gifted to me. May I look to you the Gift Giver and remember how good you are, how loving you are, how gracious you are.
That no matter what may come, no matter where my kitchen is in this world, the memories created there, or who meets with me there. . .
You will always meet me there. You desire to do so. You welcome these quiet moments together, You and I.
As we meet there and as You gently remind me to keep a light touch on the things of this world, you beckon me to grip with all of my might onto the Creator of this world.
Wherever my kitchen,I know . . . I will always find you there.
". . . and be content with what you have, for he has said, "I will never leave you nor forsake you."